Who am I…?

An all-encompassing question I have tried and tried again to answer, with no definite solution. 

For years I have attempted to create a blog, to write about things that are deemed worthy or interesting, and ultimately failed to complete anything. I want to introduce myself, to talk about what my blog will contain, all while seeming to have my sh*t together. A task I have found is more difficult to accomplish than I had assumed.

So here I am again, writing a blog. But this time, I am not focusing on any specific detail. The goal is to not really have a goal but to write what I feel in the moment. Let’s see how that goes…

There is always the ever-looming “imposter syndrome” in the struggle to create. I am sure we have all made it’s acquaintance. That feeling of inadequacy, of not belonging, being wrong, misplaced, not worthy… And whilst you try to filter out the negative energy and commotion, there is the fact of still having to keep moving forward. 

2022 has been chaotic. A good chaotic for the most part, but still has felt overwhelming. I have reached goals within my art career that I have been thinking about and hoping for. 

But even with all of these boxes checked off and successes, I feel like it’s not enough. That I am still trying to do something that isn’t meant for me. Which is absolutely ridiculous.

When did it become so hard to be proud of yourself? To pat yourself on the back for completing something? It seems like there is a never-ending list of to-dos, that doesn’t feel any lighter even after accomplishing many tasks.

So I am here, online, sharing my thoughts because I want to be done with negative self-talk. It will be a long journey, but ultimately it is something I see as crucial to a healthier existence. I feel it will also allow me to paint again, to create things without the fear of “oh no one will like this” because it doesn’t matter. I like it, so I should make it.

Here is what I want you to do: share with me your imposter syndrome experiences. I want to hear that we are not alone in this, that there are others out there feeling the same way. Let’s vent about that negative energy surrounding such incredible accomplishments.